To all the tired and weary ones,
Sometimes life can become so overwhelming, you just go numb. Those sunny, warm spring days with the windows down, music on, and the mountains in sight don’t do anything for you anymore. You sit—blank faced. Not happy, not sad, not mad. Numb. It’s not depression because it’s not that you’re hopeless, but at some point, I think we max out on emotion. We keep our head down and get done what needs to get done. We don’t have the luxury of shutting down because people are counting on us, our finances are counting on us, our dreams (if we’re lucky enough to have them) are counting on us.
I’ve always hated the numb feeling. If you hand me an emotion, it’s something to work with. Hand me sadness and I’ll grieve. Hand me joy and I’ll be elated. Hand me anger and I’ll name my trigger. Hand me nothing? What are we supposed to do with that? Nothing is scary.
So how do you wake yourself up? But not only to feel overwhelmed by the pressure, fear, and fatigue. How do you wake up without imploding?
People. We need people to help share our burdens and fears. People who aren’t going to throw our vulnerabilities in our face the next day, people who can sit with us in the fear of failure—failure as a parent, as a spouse, or as a human in general. We were never meant to do this whole life thing on our own. We simply aren’t wired that way. From the time we are formed in the womb, we are connected to another person and that need doesn’t change at any stage of life. It’s painful when you’re overwhelmed and you reach for another person and it’s not safe, whether they’ve been physically unsafe in the past, if they’ve been insensitive to your vulnerabilities, if they’ve let you down, or maybe they just never seem to answer their phone anymore because everyone has stuff going on. Regardless, you’re left feeling alone. Being overwhelmed, followed by feeling alone…that’s how numbness turns into depression.
I wish there was a quick fix, but there isn’t. I would say be brave and keep trying. Keep trying to find that support you need. Keep trying to be that support to others. Keep working on that relationship because it’s worth it to work through the messiness of it. Find the people you can count on—they’re out there and you can count on people, not perfectly, but that’s what grace is for. We all need that room for our shortcomings at times. You’re not alone. And keep in mind, every storm as a break in the clouds.
*The information contained herein is not therapeutic advice nor a substitute for therapy. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any mental health problem. If you are located within the United States and you need emergency assistance please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are located within Colorado you may also call the Colorado Crisis Line at 844-493-TALK (8255).